I think its a nice piece of work! how to improve it? Ok here is an other humble opinion based in my short experience.
Taking into account that dialog is the first driver of the story telling I would:
Technically- I agree with Utopia about the sound of the room being present in the recording is not the best. It is true that creating an optimum recording space for voice over is not easy. I found a way round this problem could using a less sensitive microphone, a dynamic microphone like the good old SM58. As it so less sensitive than your rode it will not pick up the room specially if you still treat your space. I think it is normal to want to use the "best" possible mic for a job but sometimes the best mic is not the best tool for a certain job due to other factors, in this case the room.
Creatively- I think the narrator could to with a bit more practice with the (dramatizing/preforming/acting) to add more impact. This would also involve increasing the dynamics of the recording performance which could later be carefully compressed (As my friend Justin rightly pointed out) a careful compression would permit the voice sit clearer/more present with out compromising its dramatic content.
The ambiance could do with a few more layers to make it a bit more rich? (Sound scape).
I have added an example of dialogue recordings I carried out using a sm58 beta because of room issues. the narrator voice was recorded using a Rode NT1, all the other interviews were recorded with the SM. I then added different amounts of reverb to each recording to match the worst sounding environment which was a dance studio where one wall was covered with massive mirrors the other wall was all windows and the floor was polished wood! Its not the best example of how dry a recording you can get nor a lecture in voice recording but will maybe give you an idea of the sound quality you can get from this mic.
All the best